Thursday, February 26, 2009

Rear Seat Belt


Buckle Up
!



video

New Office

DUE TO ECONOMIC DOWNTURN,

THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE





EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2009

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well
Financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!





New Office Toilet


New Office Toilet










Ladies, this is to shorten your toilet time and increase office productivity.

Some pics from the Australian fires

Subject: Some pics from the Australian fires


It is even gloomier when u have this fire + dire economy condition .......


In this photo, there is a 737 passenger airliner, shortly after takeoff from Melbourne airport.







Hazlewood Power Station in the foreground of the photo






Kinglake






Marysville








Don't Throw away your old PC

Don't Throw away your old PC

Try to do something useful with it

Your keyboard can become this...



Or this...



Reuse ur mouse...





















Need a new cage for your pet?


Smoker? 'No problem' (i gona to use my pc like this....... ha ha ha)

try this?!!



What? Can't do any of the previous ? Yeah, You are not a very creative person haa.


Don't worry!!! I have something that you can do...
..

..
..

..

..

..
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..
..
..

..






Sunday, February 22, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Husbands wives and girl friends




Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you, it's only when you leave her a virgin.



Tension is when wife is pregnant!

Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!



The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?



Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?

To see if you really mean it!



Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.



Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.



Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex.

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.



The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?

Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!



This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan "We stare because we care!"



The saddest part of a man's body is his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"



A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.



What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.



If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?

Tit-Bits.

And if it bursts in a man's underwear?

Banana split.



What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?

In a bomb blast, population decreases BUT in a condom blast, population increases.

The Eye Test.






The Eye Test
Can
you find the B
(there are 2 B's) DON'T skip or your wish won't come True...



RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Once you've found the B

Find the 1

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Once you found the 1..............



Find the 6


9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999


Once you've found the 6...

Find the N (it's hard!!)

MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Once you've found the N...


Find the Q...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Make 2 wishes!


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> >
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>> >>
>>>>>
>>>> >>>
>>
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>

OK, NOW THAT U MADE A Wish, IT WILL COME TRUE...

ALL U HAVE 2 DO IS FORWARD
TO 3 PEOPLE BUT

IF YOU FORWARD TO MORE IT WILL HAPPEN SOONER!!!





Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Interview



A Saudi was interviewed at the US Embassy for a visa.

Consul: What is your name?

Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?

Arab: Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?

Arab: Both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!

Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,........ isn't it hostile?

Arab: Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh.......... dear!

Arab: Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

Banned in Disneyland

Banned in Disneyland




Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Mouse Pad For Dirty Old Man...


Mouse Pad For Dirty Old Man...







Sakura Season In Japan

Cherry Blossom Time

Sakura Season In Japan